Christmas, or any holiday season really, can be challenging when you’re dealing with the loss of someone close to you. Normally this time of year is all about great food, celebration and laughter, and a time we look forward to because we get to spend it with our loved ones. But if you’re dealing with a loss, whether that be the death of a family member, a breakup or the loss of a pet, facing your first Christmas without them can be overwhelming.
First of all, know that not feeling your best this Christmas is okay and completely understandable. You shouldn’t be expected to force a smile or fake a laugh if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to celebrate the holiday if that makes things easier for you. But know that there are ways you can still celebrate Christmas and honour the memory of those you’ve lost. Here are some ideas to help you navigate your first Christmas without them.
Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About Them
You’ll find that a lot of people around you this Christmas will generally avoid bringing up the topic of your loss, fearing it might upset you. But being able to talk about them can actually be healing and remind you of the special times you had with them during the holidays. We recommend sharing stories, talking about their favourite Christmas traditions and just generally acknowledging their absence. By inviting yourself and others to share memories, you’ll feel more connected to them on your first Christmas without them.
Honour Their Traditions
Most of us have traditions around this time of year, and it’s likely your loved one had some things they loved to do at Christmas too. Maybe they had a favourite Christmas film, a holiday recipe they loved more than any other or a particular game they loved to play. To help you feel connected to them, why not recreate some of these moments and add a sense of familiarity to the day. It can be nice to add these traditions into every Christmas moving forward too, so it feels like a part of them is celebrating with you.
Allow Yourself Space and Flexibility
If you feel overwhelmed this Christmas, please know that this is normal and sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to grieve and feel. Don’t feel like you need to force yourself to keep up with every tradition or event. Take things at your own pace and listen to your body and mind. It’s okay to change up plans, leave an event early, or even skip certain gatherings if you need to. This Christmas doesn’t have to look like every other, and you can always join yearly meet-ups again next year, when you’re feeling more yourself.
Create New Traditions in Their Memory
Another way to help find connection on your first Christmas without them is to start a new tradition dedicated to their memory. It could be something as simple as lighting a candle or putting an personalised Christmas ornament on the tree in their honour. These small but meaningful acts give you an opportunity to include them in the holiday, and it’s something you can do every year, so it always feels like they’re celebrating Christmas with you.
Surround Yourself with People Who Understand
Your first Christmas without them is bound to bring up many emotions so it helps to be around people who understand you. Whether it’s friends or family, find people that understand your grief and the impact your loss has had on you. That way, you’ll be comfortable in letting them know what you need and what they can do to make things easier for you. It’s also okay to choose a smaller group of friends or family if bigger get-togethers are overwhelming right now. Do what you need to do to feel safe and supported.
Remember, It’s Okay to Feel Joy Too
Sometimes, there’s a guilt that comes with having moments of happiness after a loss. But remember, it’s okay to find moments of joy, even during this difficult time. We guarantee that those you’ve lost will want you to enjoy your Christmas and have moments where you share a smile or laugh. There’s no reason you can’t celebrate the holiday with both love and grief.
Conclusion: How to Navigate Your First Christmas Without Them
Navigating your first Christmas without them is no easy task but remember you don’t have to go through it alone. It’s likely this holiday will be hard – the first one usually is – but that doesn’t mean you can’t include ways to honour your loved one and still find some enjoyment in the day. Lean on those in your life, take the time to breathe and don’t put any pressure on yourself. In doing so, we hope you’re able to find moments of peace and love this Christmas.
