For anyone that has lost someone important, there is often a date in the year that feels different to the rest. It’s not always because of what happened on that day, but because of everything it now carries.
It might be a date you’ve been dreading, counting down the days to, or one that you almost forgot about entirely until it appeared in front of you. No matter how it made its approach, it’s a date that can bring you back to where you were, what life looked like then and how much has changed since.
Just know that there is no single way to handle a death anniversary. Some years you may want to acknowledge it and others, you may not have the energy to do anything at all. It doesn’t matter whether you’re one of these, or somewhere in the middle. The important thing is to honour a loved one on their death anniversary in a way that feels right for you.
And if you are wanting to do something to memorialise the date, here are some ideas that might give you the comfort and connection you deserve.
What Is a Death Anniversary?
A death anniversary is the date someone died. And while that might sound simple in principle, there’s actually a lot more to it. That’s because it’s often a point in the year that brings a lot of things back into focus, not just the loss itself, but the relationship, the memories shared and what’s been missing since they left.
It can also be a marker of time passing, another year without them and another year of learning how life looks now. That alone can be incredibly heavy for a lot of people.
People respond to their loved one’s death anniversaries in different ways, and that response can change over time. There isn’t a single way to approach it and there’s never any expectation around what the day should look like. Ultimately, the day should be spent in a way that feels comfortable and right for you.
10 Ways to Honour a Lost Loved One on Their Death Anniversary
1. Light a Candle
Lighting a candle is one of the simplest but most beautiful ways to honour someone you’ve lost on their death anniversary. It doesn’t require much, just a simple tealight and a box of matches, and it’s something you can come back to time and time again when you need it.
You can do it at home and at a time that feels manageable, giving you a moment to acknowledge the day without needing to plan anything or explain it to anyone else. If you’d like to take it a little further, adding in an urn candle holder that holds your loved one’s remains inside, keeping the candle above it, can be a way of bringing that connection a little closer into the moment, so it feels like they’re still part of the space around you.
2. Go Somewhere That Meant Something to You Both
There are certain places in life that hold memories without needing anything added to them and revisiting one on their death anniversary can be a lovely way to remember them and the things they loved.
Going back to one of those places, whether it’s a particular bench at a park, a beach, a café or just their favourite walking route, can bring a sense of familiarity that feels reassuring. You don’t need to stay there long if you don’t want to, but just being there, even for a moment, can help you feel close to them again.
3. Create or Wear Memorial Jewellery
Having something physical that represents them can feel especially powerful during your everyday life, but especially so on their death anniversary when their absence feels more noticeable. Memorial jewellery gives you a way to keep that connection close, often holding a piece of them, whether physically or as part of an engraving.
It could be a necklace set with their ashes or a keepsake engraved with their handwriting, a fingerprint, pawprint or a photograph that means the world to you. These pieces can become part of what you wear rather than something separate you only think about occasionally, allowing you to carry them with you not just on a single day, but every day.
4. Cook Their Favourite Meal
Food is one of those things that can be very nostalgic, bringing back memories through our senses. If your loved one had a particular meal they loved, or there’s a recipe they used to cook that you enjoyed yourself, taking the day to create that same meal on their death anniversary can help you feel close to them again.
It’s a simple way to remember a lost loved one, but it can take you back to ordinary moments you shared. And it doesn’t have to be perfect. Just the act of making it and sitting down to eat it can be enough to bring that connection back into the day.
5. Plant Something in Their Memory
A popular way to honour a death anniversary is to plant something, whether a tree, a flower or something small in a pot that stays inside your home, that becomes a marker that continues beyond a single day.
Over time, this plant can become something you return to, not just on a death anniversary but whenever you feel drawn to it. Watching it grow can also help bring comfort and a sense of continuity, reminding you that while time is passing, the love you have for them is always there.
6. Write Them a Letter
A completely normal part of loss is a feeling of regret, often regret of not telling them something or saying something more. That’s why writing a letter on their death anniversary can be incredibly grounding, especially if there are things you still want to say.
Writing a letter to them gives you a way to put those thoughts somewhere. It doesn’t need to follow a structure or sound a certain way; you can just write exactly what comes to mind. And afterwards, you can keep it, leave it somewhere meaningful or let it go in a way that feels right for you.
7. Look Through Photos or Things You’ve Kept
Photographs and personal items can bring back details you don’t always think about day to day and being able to go through them, relive some of your favourite memories with them and remind yourself of all the good years you had, can be a wonderful way to spend the day.
This act can help you reconnect to memories you may have forgotten or notice things you hadn’t paid attention to before. You also don’t need to go through everything. Simply picking just a single photo album and spending a few minutes flicking through can be more than enough to help you feel close to them.
8. Do Something They Enjoyed
After losing someone you love, one of the things you don’t realise you stop doing is the things they loved. Since they’re no longer here to suggest it or do it with you, you may have found yourself stopping certain hobbies or routines that you enjoyed doing with them.
On their death anniversary, it can be nice to do something you did together or even something they enjoyed doing alone, to feel connected again. It could be something as simple as listening to music they loved, watching a film they would have chosen if they were here, or taking a walk to a place they enjoyed. Just stepping into that space for a while helps you feel connected to who they were.
9. Do Something in Their Name
Another way to honour someone you miss on their death anniversary is to do something in their name. It can be something small, but it can still feel like a way of carrying their impact forward.
That might be supporting a cause they cared about, helping someone else or making a small gesture that reflects who they were. It doesn’t need to be visible to anyone else to matter, just something that feels like it reflects them, and something they would have appreciated.
10. Spend Time With People Who Knew Them
And finally, something that many people find comforting on a death anniversary is being around people who also knew them and know how this day can feel. When you come together with other people they loved, you can share memories, tell stories and have a shared understanding that this day doesn’t need explanation.
Hearing other people’s memories can also bring a different perspective on who they were and how they were seen. It doesn’t matter if they’re people you don’t know well or close friends and family you see all the time, simply taking the day to be with each other can mean a lot to all of you.
Why Honouring a Death Anniversary Can Also Mean Doing Nothing
Whether one of these ideas sits comfortably with you or none of them feel quite right, there should never be any pressure to do something on a death anniversary if it doesn’t feel natural to you.
Sometimes acknowledging it in a clear way can feel helpful but other times, it might feel easier to let the day pass without placing too much focus on it. Even if you did something last year, but don’t feel up to it this year, that’s completely okay.
Grief is a complicated thing, and it is always changing, year by year. The important thing to take away from this is that you deserve to do what feels right to you, in this moment. You know the relationship you had and the place that person still holds in your life and that will never change no matter how you choose to spend a single day.
