It’s completely normal to feel lost for words when someone you care about has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. You want to be supportive, but you’re also worried you might say the wrong thing. The truth is, you don’t need to have the “perfect” words. The fact that you are here, reading this blog, proves what a good, kind and caring person you are. So don’t worry if you’re unsure what to say to someone who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, we’re happy to give you a little guidance on what can be comforting, and what might unintentionally hurt.
What You Can Say
“I’m here for you, no matter what.”
It’s a simple one, but saying this can be really powerful to someone feeling a little helpless and overwhelmed. Offering your presence without making any grand promises is a wonderful way to let someone know they’re not alone. It reassures them that they can count on you, and you’re available when they need you.
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen.”
It’s easy to think you need to understand someone else’s experiences to offer real support, but we promise that’s not the case. Just simply acknowledging their pain as unique shows that you respect their feelings, while opening the door for them to share as much (or as little) as they want.
“How can I best support you right now?”
This is a great one. Since everyone copes differently, asking a question like this gives them the opportunity to tell you directly what they need. It might be practical help like running errands or joining them at a doctor’s appointment, or just simply emotional support and having someone to lean on.
“I’m thinking of you.”
If you’re unsure what to say, keeping it simple when you don’t know what to say to someone who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness is absolutely fine. Letting them know they’re in your thoughts is a gentle way to show you care, without putting any pressure on them to respond.
What You Should Avoid Saying
“I know exactly how you feel.”
Even if you have been through something similar, everyone’s journey is different. Instead of assuming you know their emotions, focus on listening and being supportive. Saying things like “I can’t imagine,” is a much more understanding approach.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
While often said with good intentions, this can unintentionally overlook the person’s pain. A terminal diagnosis doesn’t need to be rationalised, and suggesting there’s a deeper reason for their illness can feel hurtful, as if their loss is somehow meant to happen. It’s okay to simply acknowledge that sometimes life is unfair, without needing to search for a reason or explanation.
“At least…”
Phrases like “At least you’re still feeling okay” or “At least you’ve had a good life” minimise their experience. Instead of trying to find a silver lining, let them feel how they feel without trying to “fix” the situation.
“You need to stay positive.”
While a positive attitude can be helpful for some, it’s not helpful to all, and telling someone to “stay positive” might feel like you’re dismissing their real fears and emotions. Instead, offer support without judgment. It’s okay for them to feel however they need to in the moment.
A Few More Tips on Supporting Someone Who Has Been Diagnosed With a Terminal Illness
As well as knowing what to say to someone who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, it’s also helpful to know other acts and services you can offer that aren’t just words. For example, when you offer help try to be as specific as possible. Rather than saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try something like, “I’m free this afternoon, can I drive you to your doctor’s appointment?” This not only proves you’re serious about helping but it also makes it easier for your loved one to accept the offer.
It’s also useful to let your loved one talk about their illness on their own terms. If they want to share, then be there to listen. If they don’t, respect their space. Sometimes they’ll just want to talk about anything but their diagnosis, and that’s okay too. Finally, try and stay connected. A diagnosis can be isolating, so try to check in regularly, even if it’s just a quick text to say you’re thinking of them. Little gestures can mean the world when someone is going through a tough time.
And don’t forget to take care of yourself too. You might not be experiencing the same emotions as your terminally ill loved one, but it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, sad, or even unsure of how to navigate the situation. Supporting someone through a terminal illness can take a toll, so it’s essential to look after your own well-being too. Don’t hesitate to seek help from friends, family, or professional counselling when you need it. Charities like Marie Curie offer support not just for those facing terminal illness but for their loved ones as well. You’re always welcome to contact the team here at Inscripture too, if you would like any help creating a special piece of memorial jewellery.
