Losing someone we care about is never easy and knowing what to say when someone dies can be just as difficult. Whether you’re writing a sympathy card, sending a thoughtful text or leaving a voicemail, a condolence message can mean the world to someone who is grieving. It can help remind them that they’re not alone and that they’re surrounded by people who care about them
At Inscripture, we understand how comforting even a few kind words can be during such a painful time. So here’s our guide on how to write a condolence message, including what to say and what not to say in a sympathy card or similar.
What to Include in a Sympathy Card
When writing a sympathy card or condolence message, the most important thing is to keep it personal and sincere. Here are the key elements to include:
Use their loved one’s name
Mentioning the person who has passed away helps acknowledge their life and the unique impact they had. It shows the grieving person that their loved one hasn’t been forgotten.
Express your sadness for their loss
Let the person know how truly sorry you are. Simply letting them know you sympathise, even if just to a small degree, helps them feel less alone.
Share a memory or story
If you knew the person who passed, share a warm or funny memory. It’s incredible how something so small but personal can bring comfort and help keep their memory alive.
Highlight their qualities
You could also share something special about their character, like their kindness, humour, strength or the way they helped others. These reminders again help to put a positive light on the situation.
Offer support
Let them know you’re there if they need anything. It can be something as easy as letting them know you’re always free for a call if they need someone to talk to. Alternatively, try and offer something tangible like offering to help with funeral planning or general errands, since these tasks can be incredibly daunting when you’re grieving.
What Not to Say in a Condolence Message
We know that anyone here, reading this blog, has good intentions. It’s incredibly good of you to want to make things better and to offer advice and reassurance to someone you love during such a difficult time. But sometimes, without you even realising, there are things you can write in a condolence message that can do more harm than good.
“They’re in a better place”
This can feel like it’s minimising the loss, especially if the grieving person doesn’t share the same beliefs.
“At least they lived a long life”
Even if someone lived to an old age, the loss still hurts deeply. This phrase can come across as diminishing that pain.
“I know how you feel”
Grief is incredibly personal and even if you have gone through a loss similar before, it’s better to offer your support rather than comparing situations.
Offering advice or trying to fix it
In the early days of grief, people don’t need advice or solutions, they simply just want compassion. So instead, it’s okay to just listen and be present.
Condolence Message Checklist
Here’s a quick reference to help you write a comforting and thoughtful condolence message:
- Mention the name of the person who passed away
- Say how sorry you are for their loss
- Share a personal memory, if you have one
- Highlight qualities or characteristics that will be remembered
- Offer ongoing support and let them know you’re there
Condolence Message Examples
If you’re feeling stuck, these short and thoughtful sympathy message examples can help you get started:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.”
- “Please know I’m here for you during this difficult time.”
- “We’re keeping you in our thoughts. Your husband was such a kind soul.”
- “If there’s anything I can do, don’t hesitate to reach out.”
- “Wishing you strength and peace in the days ahead.”
Final Thoughts
Writing a condolence message can feel daunting, especially when you care deeply about the person who’s grieving. The most important thing is to write from the heart. Keep it simple, sincere, and kind because that’s exactly what they need right now.
It’s not about saying the perfect thing or writing a sympathy message that would work for you, it’s considering them and reminding them they’re not alone.
